Nighty Night!

I know it isn't nice to mock people for their religious beliefs, and who knows what will rain down upon me for doing so, but some times it is just too hard to not.

Introducing Armour of God Pyjamas.

I've got a few friends with birthdays coming up.

Terrorized?

I've had enough of the War on Terror. When does the War on Stupidity begin? Recently, the BBC reports, a man of Iraqi descent was not allowed to board a plane in New York, until he removed his T-shirt. The problem with the shirt? It had Arabic script on it. It also had written in English, "We will not be silent," which is what the Arabic text said as well. Apparently other passengers had complained about it and officials asked him to remove it. They did, at least, buy him another shirt to wear. Now here's my thinking. If he was in fact a terrorist, how would having him remove his shirt foil the plot, if you're going to let him on the plane once he had done so? And if he was not a terrorist, why would it matter what he had on his shirt? I don't mean to say that security officials should not be vigilant, but surely there is a way to do so without being irrational, over-reactive or outright xenophobic. I don't want to over simplify the issue, but there is one obvious, common element to all terrorism. It sets out to terrorize the targeted population, to make those people live in fear. If, as George W. recently pointed out, we are "at war with Islamic fascists who will use any means to destroy those of us who love freedom," and we are frightened into curtailing that freedom in response, who do you think is winning? If people are afraid to go about their lives as usual, who do you think is winning? If people are afraid of a person of Arabic descent wearing a T-Shirt with Arabic script, who do you think is winning?

Now Or In A While?

Apparently my usage of the word presently in my previous post has caused some concern. Granted, it was a small amount of concern, voiced by one, but concern nonetheless. When I look up presently in my Oxford Dictionary Of Current English the first definition it gives is: soon; after a short time. The second definition is: esp. US & Scot. at the present time; now. Thinking I should give our American friends a chance to state their own case, I looked the word up in Encarta. Their first definition is: soon, not at this exact moment but in a short while. Followed by: at present time, now, or during the current period, especially if not at some other time. This second definition is followed by the tag: some people object to this usage. Well, here is me saying that I am one of those people. But honestly, that is based on little more than the fact that I am an erudite grammar snob. Wanting to dig a little deeper, I looked up the word in my Oxford Concise Dictionary Of English Etymology. Their first definition is a now obsolete one: so as to be present. The second, dating back to the 15th century is: now, followed by their third definition, from the 16th century: soon. That means that back in 1537 there may have been a young scholarly gent deriding this modern usage of presently to mean soon, when clearly to him it should be used as now. Prejudices aside, there are two ways to look at this. The right way, of course, is that language is fluid and ever changing, which is what makes it an interesting, exciting thing. The other view, which is not wrong, is that there are rules to the language which make it useful as a system of communication and that system functions best when those rules are followed. So, the linguist in me accepts that language always has and always will change, and that grammar is a way to codify that language at any given time, but, damn it all, the staunch grammarian in me doesn't have to like it.

A Wee Break...

Sorry for the inconvenience. Normal service will resume presently...

Big Papi (or How I Joined The Red Sox Nation!)

Last week, my good friend Rob from Boston was in town. (Not that one, but if you must, North Attleborough Rob would be more appropriate.) As I assume all Bostonians are, Rob is a very serious Red Sox fan. So a certain amount of Rob's visit was spent watching the Red Sox on-line, following the games, looking up the scores, etc. And talking about their feared line-up. The most feared batters in baseball, Rob would say, talking about the one-two punch of David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez. Now, I've got to say, I'm not much of a baseball fan. I'll watch a couple games a year, with someone who likes it a whole lot more than I do, and if the World Series is interesting, maybe I'll tune in. But I do like sports, and so it is easy for me to get into any sport with someone who is excited about it. So with Rob's interest in the Sox, my interest went up. Anyway, it's Rob's last day in town, we're drinking a couple of Krusovices, watching the Red Sox game and making pizza. It's the 8th inning, Boston is up 4-3 against KC and Mark Loretta's at bat. Rob says, "You know who's up next?" To which I say (guess) "Papi!" "That's right," Rob says, "You're in the Sox Nation now." All for knowing that Big Papi's 3rd in the order. We sealed the deal with a high five and a swig of beer. And that's that. Go Sox!

New Camera On The Block

Sorry Sparky, but there's a new best camera ever. It's called the SD600. And it's coming soon to a Whitecaps game near you. I didn't set out to upgrade, but somehow that is exactly what happened. And I've got to say, I'm glad I did. Everybody sing it...SD600!

But What Type Of Hat Is It?

Reading Flaubert's Madame Bovary, I came across this description of a hat:

"His was one of those composite pieces of headgear in which you may trace features of bearskin, lancer-cap and bowler, night-cap and otterskin: one of those pathetic objects that are deeply expressive in their dumb ugliness, like an idiot's face. An oval splayed out with whale-bone, it started off with three pompons; these were followed by lozenges of velvet and rabbit's fur alternately, separated by a red band, and after that came a kind of bag ending in a polygon of cardboard with intricate braiding on it; and from this there hung down like a tassel, at the end of a long, too slender cord, a little sheaf of gold threads. It was a new cap, with a shiny peak."

And yet, for all of that descriptive language, I have absolutely no idea what this hat looks like. Perhaps something has been lost in translation, but how is it possible that I can read an entire paragraph in my mother tongue, understand all of the words, clauses, sentences, etc., and still not actually understand it. Have men's hat fashions become so mundane that I am just not able to imagine a hat so outlandish? Can anyone out there envision this hat? Can anyone make a drawing of this hat? Better yet, can anyone out there actually make me such a hat? Is there a milliner in the house? If I had such a hat, I would most certainly wear it. At least once.

In The News...

Sometimes newspaper headlines are just too damn strange.

Norway Fears Giant Crab Invasion

Too bad the rest of the article can't deliver. Norway is not actually about to be invaded by giant crabs.

Too bad. That would have been news.

Show Off

An absolutely inane conversation I was part of yesterday:

I'm walking towards my desk at work. J-Mac, who was napping on the couch wakes up and asks, "Was I snoring?" Bones says, "No." J-Mac then says, "Sleep apnea," though he has trouble with the apnea part. Bones says, "That's not as bad as Corey, he sleep walks." At this point, I, who am eating a chocolate chip cookie, say, "He's a somnambulist." "What?," Bones asks. I try and chew more rapidly. "He's a somnambulist," I repeat. Bones nods, as if he understands, but then says something about an ambulance. Because apparently when you're talking with your mouth full of cookie, somnambulist comes out sounding like that. The cookie now down my gullet, I say yet again, "He's a somnambulist." A quizzical look tells me I have to explain the word, but really, the moment is lost...

Mom, you were right. I shouldn't talk with my mouth full.

Note to self:
When you are trying to show off your superior lexicon, make sure you are not chewing a very crumbly and somewhat dry chocolate chip cookie at the same time. You just end up sounding stupid.