Václav Havel R.I.P.

Man Bites Snake!

This may be the best news item ever. Or at least the best news item today. A Kenyan man was attacked and pulled up a tree by a python. The man bit the snake.

Keith Olbermann speaks...

Lost in Translation

Official road signs in Wales are bilingual, so when Swansea Council wanted to put this sign up, they sent it to their translator, got the reply and posted the sign. Unfortunately for them, the "translation" reads:

"I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated."

The sign has since been removed.

Here is the story.

Credit Crunch?

This American Life is an excellent radio show on National Public Radio in Chicago. Another Frightening Show about the Economy is their attempt at explaining what is going on with the economy right now. It's worthwhile listening, as are all of their shows which are, thankfully, available as podcasts.

The End is Nigh? Part Deux...

Well, we're still here. At least I am, I can't vouch for you. And according to news reports, turning on the LHC was a success. What those reports don't tell you, but what I'm here to tell you, is that a black hole did appear and it swallowed up the earth. So, let me be the first to welcome you to bizarro alternate reality world on the inside of a black hole. How do I know this, you ask? Easy...England beat Croatia 4-1 in World Cup qualifying today.

The End is Nigh?

This could be the last blog post I ever write. Hell, this could be one of the last things I ever do. For in a short while, if you don't already know, the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) is going to turn on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). It has been called the world's largest science experiment and is designed to create the conditions immediately after the big bang, in order to gain a better understanding of our universe. And while CERN asserts that it is perfectly safe, there are those who believe that turning on the LHC could result in any number of doomsday scenarios, my favourite being the creation of a black hole that could swallow up the earth. And while I would take much amusement from the fact that the earth had been swallowed up by a black hole of our own creation were I still around to do so, and I believe that if we are stupid enough to turn on a machine that is capable of destroying the planet on which we reside then we probably deserve it (isn't there some kind of precautionary principle in science?) my fervent hope is that the naysayers are wrong and that I'm still here tomorrow. Check back...if you can.

In the News...

And the award for the most misleading headline to a news story or the most disappointing payoff in a news story due to it's accompanying headline is:

Great tits cope well with warming.

It's about birds. The feathered, winged kind, I mean. Somehow I don't think that's why it is currently one of the most popular stories on the BBC website.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Sometimes a real-true-to-life-actual-news-story is so baffling that even I can't come up with any smart ass comments to go along with it. Or at least none that aren't entirely crass or offensive, so I'll leave this one alone.

Why I don't understand the law...

Umm, could someone explain to me why this is illegal?

Why the U.S. Legal System is Brilliant!

Michael Vick, currently facing charges for his involvement in dog-fighting, is now facing a lawsuit from a prison inmate in South Carolina, the Guardian reports. The $63 billion lawsuit claims that Vick stole two dogs from Jonathan Lee Riches, used them for fighting then sold them on e-bay. He then allegedly used the proceeds to buy missiles from the Iranian government. I highly recommend reading the transcript of the suit. Some of the other deeds Vick is alleged to have committed:

-He pledged allegiance to Al-Qaeda.
-He subjected the plaintiff to microwave testing.
-He used drugs in a school zone.
-He stole the plaintiff's ID and used it to open an account to buy pet food at Petsmart and Doggie Warehouse.

Should Mr. Riches win his suit he would like the $63 000 000 000 to be backed by gold and silver and delivered to the front gates of the prison he is in, via UPS. He also apologises that the suit is hand-written. (Yes, it's a hand written lawsuit, rife with spelling mistakes and poor grammar.)

My favourite part, though, has to be his last line:

"Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes."

Let justice be done.

In the News...

And the award for the best headline ever goes too...

click

In The News...

The best headline I came across on a news website today:

"Spacewoman charged with trying to kill love rival."

It's a lot less interesting when you read on and learn that she's just an astronaut and not actually from outer space..

Blue Monday!

Did everyone feel crappy yesterday? A UK scientist, Dr. Cliff Arnall, has come up with a formula to determine the most depressing day of the year and that day was yesterday. It's a combination of factors including it being a Monday, the crappy weather, people having a poor self-image following their holiday binging, New Year's resolutions coming off the rails and people feeling financially strapped as the credit card bills from their holiday over-spending start to pour in. And I thought it was just me.

For those of you interested, here's the formula: (lifted directly from Portsmouth Today)
1/8 of W + (D-d) multiplied by 3/8 of TQ. This is then divided by the result of M multiplied by NA.
W is weather, D is debt – minus the money (d) due on January's pay day – and T is the time since we were actually enjoying ourselves at Christmas. Q is how much time has passed since we quit a bad habit (by the end of the month we are more likely to be back on the fags again), M stands for general motivational levels and NA is the need to get off our backsides and do something about it.

Floor crosser!

I've just learned some disturbing news. Other than a few months when I first moved to Vancouver and a summer spent in a beach house, I've prided myself on living in (The People's Republic Of) East Vancouver. I like the fact that I live in a leftist feminist pinko commie part of the city that for all but 9 of the past 71 years has been represented by either the NDP or it's predecessor, the CCF. Okay, background out of the way, here's the bad news...

I've recently moved, well within East Vancouver still, but unbeknownst to me, I moved 3 streets out of the Vancouver East riding. That means I now live in the Vancouver Kingsway riding. That means that shameful, floor crossing, turn-coat David Emerson is now my member of parliament. A conservative. Yuck. Bring on the election.

Lock Up Your Camels!

A Christmas party at a riding school in Ireland was postponed after a camel that was part of Santa's Magical Animal Kingdom show got out of his pen, which had been left open. While the staff were getting ready for the party, Gus, the camel, got loose, ate 200 mince pies and drank 6 cans of Guinness. By all reports, Gus is fine. And why shouldn't he be? Guinness is goodness.

Story

In Exile

A U.S. highschool teacher was convicted for having sex with a fifteen year old student. For his sentence he was given a choice between a year in prison or a three year exile to Canada. He lives in Fort Erie, Ontario with his wife and children. So while there may be some reasoning behind it, the legality of it remains to be seen, particularly whether or not Immigration Canada will go along with it. That will depend on his residency status, among other things. My questions are not about the legality or morality or what-have-you about it. My questions are these: Exile to Canada? WHAT? Are we the new fricken Siberia? Will he be living on watered down Borscht and stale rye bread while doing forced labour in crappy boots for the next three years? Okay then.

Ouch!

A school in Massachusetts has banned the playing of tag, touch football and any unsupervised chasing games, according to a CBC report. They have done this for fear of a child getting hurt and the school being held liable. Now, I can understand this somewhat, as we live in a ridiculously litigious society. What I don't understand is this: a culture that wants it's children to grow up in a bubble. By not allowing children to participate in activities where they could possibly hurt themselves takes away from them the possibility of learning valuable lessons, such as, if you're not careful, you could get hurt. This may seem like a bit of a contradiction, allowing people to get hurt to learn that they could potentially get hurt, but come on, it's tag. How seriously can someone get hurt playing tag? I haven't been around a schoolyard for many years now, so I'm not up on the latest manifestations of the game, but I'm guessing it's a lot like it was when I was a kid. Unless the kids are playing tag with guns these days, then forget everything I'm saying.

I realise this is only a handful of schools with such bans, but to me it is just one example from a larger problem. Another example: The amount of kid-proofing that goes into houses with small children seems to me ridiculous. I understand parents want their children to be safe but removing any possibility for even the smallest of injuries assumes that children do not have the capacity to learn from their surroundings and experiences, which is, by the way, a valuable skill to learn. A case in point: those little plastic electrical outlet covers. My house never had those. I once jammed a pipe cleaner into an outlet. I never did it again.

If children aren't allowed to experience any danger, how can they be expected to understand and deal with potentially dangerous situations. How can they be expected to be responsible if they don't learn to be responsible for themselves? How can they be expected to face adversity, and you can be damn sure they're going to have to, if they have never had to before? How can they be expected to learn from their mistakes, if they aren't allowed to make any? It is when they are children that you want them to learn these things, when the situations they are in that they will learn from are relatively minor with the consequences not so great. Otherwise you end up with a culture of people afraid to take risks, unwilling to take responsibility for themselves, and ill-equipped or unable to deal with the crap that life is going to throw at them.

Terrorized?

I've had enough of the War on Terror. When does the War on Stupidity begin? Recently, the BBC reports, a man of Iraqi descent was not allowed to board a plane in New York, until he removed his T-shirt. The problem with the shirt? It had Arabic script on it. It also had written in English, "We will not be silent," which is what the Arabic text said as well. Apparently other passengers had complained about it and officials asked him to remove it. They did, at least, buy him another shirt to wear. Now here's my thinking. If he was in fact a terrorist, how would having him remove his shirt foil the plot, if you're going to let him on the plane once he had done so? And if he was not a terrorist, why would it matter what he had on his shirt? I don't mean to say that security officials should not be vigilant, but surely there is a way to do so without being irrational, over-reactive or outright xenophobic. I don't want to over simplify the issue, but there is one obvious, common element to all terrorism. It sets out to terrorize the targeted population, to make those people live in fear. If, as George W. recently pointed out, we are "at war with Islamic fascists who will use any means to destroy those of us who love freedom," and we are frightened into curtailing that freedom in response, who do you think is winning? If people are afraid to go about their lives as usual, who do you think is winning? If people are afraid of a person of Arabic descent wearing a T-Shirt with Arabic script, who do you think is winning?

In The News...

Sometimes newspaper headlines are just too damn strange.

Norway Fears Giant Crab Invasion

Too bad the rest of the article can't deliver. Norway is not actually about to be invaded by giant crabs.

Too bad. That would have been news.