Reel Despair

After a double whammy of downright depressing films tonight (Water and Paradise Now, if you care), my friend Paul said, "Sometimes I wonder why I do that to myself," or something close to that. I too have to ask myself that sometimes. But it is a common occurrence. The fact of the matter is, I really like difficult, depressing, disturbing films. I'm drawn to them. I don't think of myself as a particularly morbid person, but for some reason I like a bit of pain and torment in my cinema. I also like a good comedy, or some other bit of escapism every now and then, but the films that move me, that stick with me, that resonate within me, are, for the most part, a little bit dark. Why is that? I think, on some level, I go to see films because I want to be challenged, made a bit uncomfortable, forced to think about what I'm seeing, or made aware of a different mode of living than my own. But on another level, I think I may be looking to suffer a little. Luckily, in my life, I don't have too many problems or low points, so I need to find them elsewhere, even if that means creating them artificially. I tend to be a fairly unemotional person. Some may say downright cold. So maybe I want to watch films like that, so that I feel anything, even if it has to be despair. Or, maybe I am a morbid person and just haven't really realised it.