Toots!

As part of my ongoing project to see as many of my ska and reggae favourites in concert as I can, I went to see Toots & the Maytals at the Commodore Ballroom last night. My concert review: Wow! Sixty one years old and the man still has it. His voice sounds just as good and soulful as it does on my recordings of him from the sixties and seventies. The audience was very much into the show, the Commodore floor was bouncing, and Toots knows how to work a crowd. "Funky Kingston" and "54-46 Was My Number" were two of the best examples of audience participation I've ever witnessed; for both he had us all singing, shouting, hopping and dancing. Those two songs, along with "Pressure Drop" and "Time Tough," and also "Monkey Man" for sheer dance energy, were the highlights of the night for me. I could have danced all night if he would have played all night; as it was I left the show sweaty and wired and very happy that I had decided to get my tired ass off the couch and go.

I Love You, My Weng Weng!

The second in an on-going series of entertaining videos of midgets from Asia:

The Doldrums or Mid-Table Mediocrity

This season has been a tough one for Arsenal supporters. Sure, there have been flashes of brilliance, a spanky new stadium, a lesser cup final and a view of great things to come, but for the most part this season has been a write off. Too many injured players, too many suspensions, too many early goals allowed, and way too many missed chances have combined to put us in the position of struggling to hold on to the fourth Champion's League spot. So this is what mid-table mediocrity feels like. And really it isn't so bad: If we're fourth, there are sixteen teams behind us. And even though we lost the Carling Cup final, sixteen or seventeen other teams won't play in a cup final this season. We expect more from our team, but that is because of the dizzying heights (yes, I said it) we've reached over the past decade. The last time we finished below fourth was 1996. Of the past ten seasons, only twice have we been out of the top two, we've won the league 3 times, the FA cup 4 times, 2 doubles, and played in a Uefa Cup final and a Champion's league final. Throw in an unbeaten season and a 49 game unbeaten stretch to boot, all the while playing some of the most attractive football around. But while Arsenal is experiencing this one-off (I trust) bad season, for the large majority of football supporters every season is like this or much worse. By the mid point of the season, most teams have almost nothing to play for, save for those far enough down the table to have a relegation battle on their hands. Chelsea who are currently buoyed by billions of Russian roubles are flying high, but before this run they hadn't won the league for 50 years. That means there are Chelsea supporters that if they started supporting the club when they were young boys, wouldn't have experienced the joy of being champions until they were well into their fifties. There are also football supporters whose teams will probably never win the league, yet they still keep going. And good for them, I say.

Cheddarvision!

Alternate Title: Why the internet is a beautiful, wonderful, and mysterious place...

I was reading an article on the Guardian website about some of the most boring webcams on the internet today and learned of what must surely be the cream of the crop. It is called Cheddarvision. The Cheddarvision website has a webcam that is focused on a wheel of cheddar cheese that is aging. It is aging. You can go to the website and watch a wheel of cheddar cheese age. That is even better than watching paint dry, which you can do at www.watching-paint-dry.com. If you're the impatient sort and don't want to watch a wheel of cheddar age in real time, you can watch the time lapse video of the first 3 months of aging here. It gets very exciting when someone puts a sticker on the cheese which later falls askew and then later still is re-aligned and so on and so forth . Also, I think at one point someone stuck a red clown's nose on the cheese. Everyone, even the cheesemaker, is a comedian apparently.

This has got me thinking of the webcams I could set up around my house. I could have the moss-growing-on-the-deck-cam. That would have been very entertaining last Saturday as I scrubbed some of it away. Or the dust-collecting-behind-my-bedroom-door-cam. Dust collection punctuated by me sweeping it away every few days. Or even the what-is-in-my-fruit-bowl?-cam. Right now, it has two navel oranges and two spartan apples. Two days ago it had an orange, an avocado, and a tomato. See the possibilities? I think the best one, though, would be, and this would take some fancy engineering and a tiny transportable camera, the how-big-is-the-cyst-on-my-eyelid?-cam. Yes, I'll work on that one.

Spit Out Your Coffee Funny!

I was just reading Richard Dawkins' thus far excellent The God Delusion when I came to this passage:

The journalist Andrew Mueller is of the opinion that pledging yourself to any particular religion 'is no more or less weird than choosing to believe that the world is rhombus-shaped, and borne through the cosmos in the pincers of two enormous green lobsters called Esmerelda and Keith.'

It was at the point of reading the word Keith and realising the absurdity of a lobster named Keith, or the unlikely pairing of an Esmerelda with a Keith that I had just taken a sip of too hot espresso. The espresso almost made it's way out of my mouth and onto the pages of the book, but I managed to hold it in, though I burnt my tongue in the process. But what was I to do? It was a library book.

The Language of World Domination...

I saw Ken Loach's excellent film The Wind that Shakes the Barley last night, which I highly recommend. There was a song in the film that a group of republican soldiers were singing as they walked through the mist or fog on their way to an ambush which was also used in the final credits. The tune was vaguely familiar and the words were in, I assumed, Irish Gaelic, though a few of them sounded recognizable as English words. The song got into my head, so when I got home I started searching on the Internet and found out this was the song in question:

Óró, Sé Do Bheatha 'Bhaile

I also found it written as:

Ó Ró Sé Do Bheata Bhaile
Óró, 's É Do Bheatha 'Bhaile
Oro Se Do Bheatha Abhaile
Oró sea de bheatha bhaile

And so on and so forth, etc. Anyone care to try pronouncing that?

Now, I understand there are often different ways of transcribing a language into a non-native alphabet, what with varying dialects/pronunciations etc., and it can take time and effort to get there, but if you are going to adopt that non-native alphabet (whether voluntarily or by conquest), get there you should. All of the Germanic languages that once used runic scripts now use the Latin or Roman alphabet, (Icelandic excluded, they're doing their own thing). It probably took a while for those languages to be, if not understood by others, at least legible to others. Which brings me to my point. In the way that the Welsh never got anywhere because of their ridiculous coracles, the Irish were never really able to dominate the world in any way, because they were entirely incomprehensible. Sure the language has a nice lilt to it and it looks cool and I'll even go so far as to say it's useful...if it's a secret code and you don't want anyone to be able to understand a bleeding thing you've written. Or even have a clue where to begin to figure out how to understand a bleeding thing you've written. And so:


Dear Ireland,

Orthographic reform. It's time.

Sincerely,

TOGM

P.S. We'll even let you have funny symbols over and around your letters like the Swedes and the Vietnamese.

Lies!

Golden Delicious Apples. They are not particularly golden and they are certainly not delicious.

In other news that has not much to do with anything, I may have been jumping the gun a little, but I wore flip-flops for the first time this year, last night. Bring on the nice weather.

Get out of my head!

I was at a party on Saturday night, a party where people were singing karaoke. Someone was singing a Madonna song to which I knew all of the lyrics. That made me realise: I begrudge her the space in my brain that is taken up by her crappy pop songs and all of the other stupid, crappy pop songs that are in my brain, not because I choose for them to be there but because they are ubiquitous. Aarrgghhhh! Now go away.

Many Thanks!

To whomever read my blog yesterday and made the rain stop, I thank you with all of my heart. It was sunny and beautiful today.

Re: The Rain

Someone please make it stop. Now. Please. Please.

Pizza Of The Day!

I like pizza as much as Sparky likes prime numbers, which is a lot. Happy 37th muchacho!


Today's pizza has marinated tofu, spinach, tomatoes, green olives and garlic. And if you'll excuse me, I will now go eat it.

So What!

I found this video over on Parkdale Pictures and it blew me away. I've listened to the tune many times, but seeing Miles & Trane et al. perform it live makes it that much better...

Too much cold!

For some reason that I am unable to figure out my refrigerator is much, much too cold, as evidenced by:
I have it turned as low as it goes and by low I actually mean high which could be confusing. Let's say instead it is as close to cold as it can be without being off while coldest is at the other end of the dial. I've even turned the freezer down. I just don't know. All of my leafy green things, my tofu, and now my yogurt is frozen. It's too much.

In other ice related news, today being NHL trade deadline day, I freed up my morning in case any teams were trying to get in touch with me, but the deadline has passed and I've heard nothing.

Done and done!

I just finished War & Peace, all 1444 pages of it. I should celebrate with a glass of vodka. Budem zdorovy! Vast in scope, it is at times gripping and compelling, other times beautiful and heart-rending, and, not surprising considering it's length, at times just plain old long-winded. I've got to say, the most difficult part to read was the final 44 pages when rather than tie everything up with a nice little bow, our dear Count Leo decided to write an essay expounding his theories on history, historiography, and free will vs. the laws of necessity. Now that this book is done, I'm not sure what is next on my reading list; either James Joyce's Ulysses or Bertrand Russell's The History of Western Philosophy.

RRSP

I learned some very disturbing, upsetting, and let's be quite honest, distressing news today. I met with my financial advisor this afternoon. And while everything seems to be going fine, I will, sadly, very sadly, not be able to retire at 35. I'm still dealing with that shock right now. I don't know what else to say. Maybe 40?

Earthquake!

I woke up sometime early this morning to my whole room and bed shaking from an earthquake. I then fell back asleep. When I woke up again I wasn't sure if there had been an earthquake and I woke up from it or if I dreamt an earthquake and then woke up or if I dreamt both the earthquake and the waking up. I'm still not sure. I've not heard anything about it on the news or from other people which makes me think I dreamt it, but at the same time, it felt pretty real. Did anyone else notice it or was it a figment of my imagination?

Snowshoeing!

It's great how, at least for me, getting out into the cold and snow can alleviate west coast inspired S.A.D. Yesterday in Vancouver was grey, drizzly, and all around miserable, as it has been for the past while. Or at least it feels like that. Anyhow, I went snowshoeing on Cypress yesterday with the J-Mac 9000 and what should have been a crap day turned into a great one. As heavy as it was raining down here it was snowing up there. The temperature was just below zero and there was lots of fresh snow. A few times in the past while snowshoeing I've felt that as much as I liked having them I didn't really require them as the snow was already packed down but yesterday they actually felt necessary. We followed a trail up through the woods to the Upper Warming Hut which was indeed a hut but not all that warm. After a little lunch break there we continued our tour by heading a bit further up Hollyburn then through winding and hilly trails in a big loop back to the base camp. We passed a couple of lookouts but visibility was so poor we ended up looking out into a wall of fog. No matter, just being out in the snow invigorated me. And there was hot chocolate at the end.

Pizza Of The Day

Today's pizza has tomato sauce, mozzarella, jerk tofu, red peppers, mushrooms, garlic, green olives, parmesan, and, yes, capers.

An Open Letter...

...to the person that broke into my car on Wednesday evening.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I can only presume that the crack (It is the crack, isn't it? I don't want to rush to judgement.) has addled your brain somewhat, as did you really think that I would leave any items of value in my car when I left it parked at night on a fairly deserted street? As you learned, to your displeasure I imagine, I did not nor do I plan to in the future. And while I appreciate that you have numerous problems and in all likelihood are in great need of assistance and support, I would kindly ask that in the future would you please stay the fuck out of my car.

Sincerely,
Me.

P.S. Thank you for not smashing my windows or actually taking anything.

One Year Old!

One year ago today I posted my first blog entry here. That means today is my blog's first birthday. Sing for it. Does that mean my blog will be entering the terrible twos? Sometime in the next year my blog should become whiny and oppositional or whatever else is supposed to happen then. Look forward to it.

War & Peace Update!

I've just reached page one thousand. That is just over two thirds of the way through the book.

Bad Brains

I was reading an article about Ian MacKaye in Exclaim last week and since then I've been giving myself a crash refresher course in hardcore. And what I want to know is this: Bad Brains...how come no one ever made me listen to them? How come no one sat me down and said, "you need to hear this?" I always wrote them off as just another hardcore band, never knowing what I was missing. Their mix of hardcore, reggae and dub is good. Very good.

My trip to the dentist...

I went to the dentist today to have a filling that I'd had replaced a few months ago replaced yet again, as it has been bothering me for some time. I got in the chair, the dentist froze my mouth then started drilling. Now, having high-powered metal tools whirring and grinding away inside your head is never pleasant, but usually it is no more than annoying or uncomfortable, for me at least. But this time, a few minutes into the drilling excruciating pain shot up the side of my head. I raised my hand, which the dentist had told me to do if it hurt, and he stopped. For whatever reason the freezing hadn't worked as well as it ought to have, so he refroze it, waited for it to take effect, then started drilling again. But again a few minutes into the drilling it started to hurt again, not as bad as the first time, but still a lot more pain then I'd experienced in a dentist's chair before, so again I raised my hand. He then brought out the big guns, some super-duper freezing that I'd never needed before. For the most part that did the trick and the procedure continued with some painful sensitivity but nothing I couldn't take. At least he didn't charge me for it. By the end of it the back of my t-shirt was soaked with sweat from my being so tense. And now...well, now the freezing has worn off and I figure that since I needed two and a half times the regular amount of freezing, that pain that has taken over my head is two and a half times the pain of a normal filling. And don't forget, pain is exponential. I have a question...does Jameson's count as an acceptable pain-killer?

Emasculation

The best insult I've been had thrown my way in the past couple of weeks:

"You're a vegetarian? Oh, I thought you were a man."

And speaking of coffee mugs...

As you can see, I haven't deleted my entire blog and I've even been writing a little here and there. A number of people have told me they're glad I still am and who am I to deny giving the people what they want? The thing that I liked most that someone said to me about it was along these lines: Even though I don't really get too personal here, there is so much going on in my mind that reading my blog is like having a quick coffee with me. You get a bit of a glimpse of what I'm thinking about or what is interesting me at any given time. I like that thought, so with that in mind, I continue...

I like it. I don't like it.

Have you ever had the experience of realising that you don't like something that you thought you actually liked? You never really thought about it too much, you just presumed you liked that thing, but then for whatever reason were made aware that you didn't? I used to work with a guy that thought he liked Belle & Sebastian. He had bought albums and even concert tickets but shortly before the concert, he realised that, no, he didn't actually like Belle & Sebastian. They were too whiny. I recently had a similar experience. I have this set of 2 coffee mugs that I've had for 12 years now. I still lived in Ontario when I got them; when I moved out west, I packed them up with all of my things that I wanted to hang on to, that I would collect and start using again at a later date. Over the years I have slowly whittled away at that pile, actually shipping or bringing a bunch of these things out here, also getting rid of lots of things that I thought I needed or wanted, but realising that since I hadn't actually used these things in 10 or more years, I didn't obviously need or really even want them. Five years ago I spent a year living in Toronto and I used those coffee mugs then; I even packed them up when I returned out here, putting them back into that pile to be collected and used at a later date. Finally in December when I was back home for the holidays I got around to shipping these mugs out here along with a number of other things. One morning last week, I was drinking my morning coffee in one of those mugs and I thought: "This is a crappy mug." Ergonomically it is poorly designed plus it is somewhat cheaply made. I'll probably give them another chance, but I think most likely they'll be going away. Sorry you two mugs, but thanks for the memories.

In The News...

The best headline I came across on a news website today:

"Spacewoman charged with trying to kill love rival."

It's a lot less interesting when you read on and learn that she's just an astronaut and not actually from outer space..

Coffee on the beach!

This is the kind of day it was in Vancouver today:

Salty goodness!

I'm addicted to this stuff right now.

Hiatus!

As of yesterday at about 17h30, I am now officially on hiatus. You may recall (though I don't know why you would) that about 10 months ago I wrote about my desire to do absolutely nothing. Now that I'm on hiatus my wish has finally come true. Which means that today is pretty much the best day ever. I got up this morning, lazed about in my housecoat for a while drinking coffee, had some breakfast, went for a run around Trout Lake, had some perogies for lunch, went to the studio to get my pay cheque (there's a wonderful feeling to reaping the fruits of your labours while not actually performing any of those labours), walked up The Drive to go to the library, had an espresso at Abruzzo, did some grocery shopping, then came home and I'm now making an eggplant, green-onion, tomato curry for my dinner. After dinner I'll go see a movie, then go to meet a friend for a beer. I suppose that all sounds like a lot for doing nothing, but it's all things I wanted to do and didn't have to do. And you know what I'm going to do tomorrow? Whatever the hell I feel like. (NB: That will not include packing up or cleaning out any one's garage, be they friend or otherwise. You know who you are.)

Blue Monday!

Did everyone feel crappy yesterday? A UK scientist, Dr. Cliff Arnall, has come up with a formula to determine the most depressing day of the year and that day was yesterday. It's a combination of factors including it being a Monday, the crappy weather, people having a poor self-image following their holiday binging, New Year's resolutions coming off the rails and people feeling financially strapped as the credit card bills from their holiday over-spending start to pour in. And I thought it was just me.

For those of you interested, here's the formula: (lifted directly from Portsmouth Today)
1/8 of W + (D-d) multiplied by 3/8 of TQ. This is then divided by the result of M multiplied by NA.
W is weather, D is debt – minus the money (d) due on January's pay day – and T is the time since we were actually enjoying ourselves at Christmas. Q is how much time has passed since we quit a bad habit (by the end of the month we are more likely to be back on the fags again), M stands for general motivational levels and NA is the need to get off our backsides and do something about it.

Blogsistentialism!

Based on the dearth of new entries, you can probably tell that I haven't had much interest in writing here of late. For a number of reasons, I seem to be running out of steam with blogging. I'm not sure if it's seasonal or personal, but I just haven't felt like writing, like forcing myself to come up with new entries, interesting or otherwise. I'm far too careful and guarded a person to write openly and honestly about personal matters here and lately that's where my mind has been. And because that's where my mind has been, I haven't really been bothered about writing the usual trite fluff that ends up here, which in turn makes me ask myself, why bother at all? A couple of times in the past couple of weeks my finger has been hovering over the delete button, yet for whatever reason, I hesitate. It's only vanity to think that my blog actually matters, when there are roughly twelve million three hundred and forty two thousand, six hundred and eighty seven other blogs, many of them well and thoughtfully written and more deserving of your time, dealing with important issues and not just recycling humourous You Tube videos and funny stories I come across on the interweb. I realise that friends and family read this, and part of my original reason for writing a blog was so that people I'm not very good at staying in touch with would know what's going on in my life. But as I wrote earlier, I don't really write about personal issues here, so after reading this, they still won't really know what's going on in my life. Here's a novel idea: take the time I spend blogging and use that towards keeping in touch with the people that matter to me. Don't worry (there's that vanity again) I'm not going to do anything rash like delete it all right now. I'm going to think about it a bit, see if maybe it's just a phase or if my interest will reawaken. Who knows, maybe I'll be back stronger than ever. Maybe I'll even write about something that really matters to me or means something to me. But don't be too surprised if I don't either. Until then, muchachos, keep on keeping on.

Everyone's new hero...

...or just something to work towards.

Floor crosser!

I've just learned some disturbing news. Other than a few months when I first moved to Vancouver and a summer spent in a beach house, I've prided myself on living in (The People's Republic Of) East Vancouver. I like the fact that I live in a leftist feminist pinko commie part of the city that for all but 9 of the past 71 years has been represented by either the NDP or it's predecessor, the CCF. Okay, background out of the way, here's the bad news...

I've recently moved, well within East Vancouver still, but unbeknownst to me, I moved 3 streets out of the Vancouver East riding. That means I now live in the Vancouver Kingsway riding. That means that shameful, floor crossing, turn-coat David Emerson is now my member of parliament. A conservative. Yuck. Bring on the election.

Best Albums of 2006

Because I like lists and because it is the time of year when people make lists, here is my list of the best albums from 2006. They're not really in any kind of order, they just are.

Return To Cookie Mountain by TV On The Radio
A good, somewhat challenging listen, but definitely worth it...also, one of the highest energy concerts I've been to in years. And I love Kyp Malone's hair.

St. Elsewhere by Gnarls Barkley
Eight or nine months on and I still can't get "Crazy" out of my head.

The Life Pursuit by Belle & Sebastian
Maybe not their best album, but getting back to form, and in the single "Another Sunny Day," they have what is my pick for song of the year. Hands down, I listened to that song more than any other last year.

Studio One DJ's Volume 2 by Various Artists
I love these Soul Jazz Records re-releases of Studio One material. This one picks up where volume one left off...

Studio One Scorchers Volume 2 by Various Artists
See above. Substitute Scorchers for DJ's.

Awoo by The Hidden Cameras
A very catchy album from a very good Toronto band.

Nebraska by Bruce Springsteen
I know that this came out in 1982, but I don't care. I discovered it in '06 and have probably listened to it more times than some albums I've had since 1982.

Cansei De Ser Sexy by Cansei De Ser Sexy
You've got to like a band that starts off their debut album with a song called CSS Suxx when they are in fact the CSS in question.

Game Theory by The Roots
Perhaps the best album by one of the best hip-hop bands ever.

The Dusty Foot Philosopher by K'Naan
I'm not sure if this came out in late 2005 or early 2006, but again I don't care. Tales of growing up in post melt-down Mogadishu by this Toronto-based, Somali-born rapper, among other things. Good stuff.

Jamaica To Toronto: Soul, Funk & Reggae 1967-1974 by Various Artists
A great collection of tracks from a bunch of JA expats living in Toronto, some well known, some not known at all. Vancouver based DJ Sipreano spent 3 years compiling, researching and tracking down some of the artists and I'm glad he did. This album sheds some light on a little known part of Canadian musical history. The music itself, not surprisingly considering the title, is a smooth blend of soul, funk and reggae, often all at the same time.

Fox Confessor Brings The Flood by Neko Case
She just seems to get better with each album.

Panic When You Find It by Young & Sexy
An excellent album from an excellent Vancouver band, and hey, I used to work at a bakery with the lead singer/songwriter/guitarist.

Everything All The Time by Band Of Horses
I know I said that this wasn't in any order, but if I had have done this as a countdown, this album would be in this, the final spot. It is currently my favourite album and has been since I got it. And I think it will be for some time, at least until the new Shins album comes out at the end of this month, which I fully expect will be a mainstay of my listening for 2007 and will be on this list, should I do it again next year.

War & Peace

After wanting to read it for years, wishing I had already read it, and generally just putting it off, I'm finally reading Tolstoy's War & Peace. I'll let you know how it goes.

Somebody...

...on the west coast has severely pissed off the weather gods. I'm not sure who or how, but sacrifices may be required to set things right. First it was the torrential rains and turbidity, then the arctic front with it's snow, ice, and sub-zero temperatures. Now it's the wind. We've been hit by at least 3 windstorms this week and as far as I know there are more on the way. As I lay in bed last night listening to the wind and rain pound against my windows, I wasn't entirely sure that my home was going to make it through the night. The neighbour of a friend of mine had their skylight blown off and she herself lost her eaves. There were many downed trees this morning and plenty of other damage including 180 000 or so homes without hydro. I have two friends who are in Vietnam right now, worried about a typhoon that may or may not be touching down. Forget that. They should be happy they're not here. Too bad when they come back they are going to find that their building has blown away.

Santaweb

I was at the post office today buying stamps to mail all of my Christmas cards, when the lady in front of me in the line-up asked the clerk whether sending a letter to Santa required national or international postage. It isn't something I'd given much thought to as when I was young enough to write to Santa Claus, postage was not one of my concerns, and then when postage did become one of my concerns, I was too old to write to Santa. The answer is national which I strongly agree with as it shows Canada Post is exerting Canada's territorial claims to the arctic. But I digress. Back at the office I told my boss about it and she asked, "where do letters to Santa go?" I'm not really sure where they end up, but according to the Canada Post website they are answered by volunteer elves in a number of languages. In searching, I also found this. Santa's online now. Why bother with paper and post office when you can e-mail him direct?

Fire #2 or The Lights Are On But...

I have a friend who reads my blog but is afraid to comment on it. She is intimidated by my erudition. She told me of a comment she wanted to make on my fire entry about how a gas fire can't replace the smell of a real wood fire. Which it can't. But it got me thinking...

The gas fire place looks nice, even provides some warmth but it is a shadow of a proper wood fire place or pit. There are flames, but there isn't the smell of wood smoke, the crackle of the fire, the hiss of sap from the logs hitting the flames, the blaze of heat, the red hot coals, the smoke in your face and so on. It doesn't end with fire of course; It seems this is the direction our entire culture has been heading for quite some time now. It is the prevalence of image over substance. How many vacuous starlets traipsing their way through the tabloids, how many poorly-written, meaningless best sellers, how many drivel-filled Hollywood blockbusters, how many schmaltzy sugary sweet pop songs, how many repetitive formulaic "reality" shows, and so on and so forth, until people say enough is enough, I'd like a little meat with my gravy. I realise that there are more substantial cultural products out there and also that there is a place for escapism, but when the dominant cultural entertainments are devoid of depth how long will it be until the culture itself lacks any meaning? Or are we already there? I have been accused of snobbery before and I must say I embrace the label somewhat. Why? Because I think we can all aspire to something better.

Mary Poppins!

I always thought there was something creepy about that woman.

Lock Up Your Camels!

A Christmas party at a riding school in Ireland was postponed after a camel that was part of Santa's Magical Animal Kingdom show got out of his pen, which had been left open. While the staff were getting ready for the party, Gus, the camel, got loose, ate 200 mince pies and drank 6 cans of Guinness. By all reports, Gus is fine. And why shouldn't he be? Guinness is goodness.

Story

Fire!

I've been thinking about fire recently, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I heard a man on the radio a few weeks back talking about his inability to sleep and he suggested that perhaps it was ingrained, genetic even. His thought was that he was somehow programmed to be the guy who would stay up all night and watch the fire. My own inability to sleep made that resonate with me. Maybe I'm just not supposed to be sleeping at night; perhaps I too am the guy who should be up all night making sure the fire doesn't burn out, then when daylight comes, I go and sleep in a cave. The second reason is that I've just moved into a new home. It has a fireplace. Our ancestors survival was very much predicated on their ability to control and maintain fire...for warmth, cooking, light, protection, and so forth. This was the case well into the last century before the advent of electric or gas heating and is still the case for much of the world. But in our modern, western society, not so. Fire is now for many of us a luxury. And a luxury that doesn't even require the skill of fire building at that. In my new place, I turn the fire on by the flick of a light switch. It's all about atmosphere. Is this what has become of homo sapiens struggle for survival? I guess we won. I'm not really complaining, but I'd be lying if I said that there isn't a part of me that longs for that other way.

First Snowfall!

Doo, doo, doo, looking out my back door...


I know it isn't much snow. But this is the rainy city. And there's more on the way.

H to the O!

Do you remember when we used to be able to drink water from here?


I do but the memories are fading. Those were good times. On the bright side, all of Vancouver has learnt a new word: turbidity. It means crappy brown water that you can't drink.

Soup Is Good Food!

Anyone who has seen enough of my photographs knows that I have a thing for taking pictures of place settings with food or drinks. Anyhow, to counter this crappy, cold, drizzly weather, here is a yummy bowl of garlic soup served in a loaf of bread that I had in Český Krumlov last January.

Insomnia!

I'm not a good sleeper. I've written about that before. I'm not sure if I have ever been a good sleeper. I know that for a long time I thought sleep was a big waste of time and tried to do as little as possible of it, and that as a teenager and into my twenties I wished that I didn't need to sleep. As I've aged I've come to appreciate sleep more; thus I'm more aware of it just not happening for me. My entirely non-medical and non-professional diagnosis, based on reading various websites about insomnia, is that I suffer from intermittent insomnia, which falls somewhere between transient insomnia and chronic insomnia. I've also written about how I'm making at least some effort to work on that by laying off the caffeine in the afternoons/evenings, though I've not been entirely successful with that (Hello, lifestyle change takes time!). There are other things that I do, like not exercising too late in the day, not eating too late etc. But there are things I don't do. Supposedly you shouldn't read things that are too mentally challenging at night as it gets your mind working. That just is not going to work out for me, as I like to read a lot, and being a literary snob, I don't like reading mindless books. There are other things I don't do. The one that is in my mind most lately, and it has been a lot lately, as I've been up late a lot lately, is that if after 15 or so minutes you don't feel like you will fall asleep, you should get up. You need to train yourself to associate your bed with sleep. If you spend most of your time in bed not sleeping, that won't work. So up you should get. Or up I should get. But I don't. I know full well that it is good advice and I should follow it, but I'm too attached to the idea of sleep. I feel that somehow, despite years and years of evidence to the contrary, if I lie there for just a few more minutes, I'll fall asleep. I don't know what changed tonight, but I finally got up. So here it is, 2h45, and I'm up writing this. Isn't there some saying about being careful what you wish for?

Water Advisory? Whatever.

Because of the heavy rains and winds of the past few days Vancouver is currently under a boil water advisory. Basically the weather has stirred up the reservoirs, increasing the amount of silt in the water which makes it more difficult to filter. So Vancouverites are either buying bottled water or boiling their water beforehand. I fall into the latter category. However the big issue here is not the drinking water but rather an unforeseen victim of the advisory. Namely, coffee. In spite of some popular misconceptions about what the drug of choice is here in our fair city, the fact of the matter is that Vancouver is a city fuelled by caffeine, powered by the bean if you will. As someone said to me on the phone this morning, "All of the newspaper headlines should be,'Vancouver grinds to a halt.'" Here's something you may not know: coffee should ideally be made using water just under boiling temperature. So how does one make good coffee and still serve safe water? Well, apparently one doesn't. Unable to get enough safe drinking water, many of the city's coffee shops have closed down. Lots of people make their morning brew at home, but a large percentage of Vancouverites like to leave their morning cuppa to the pros. And the pros just aren't providing. Which means a lot of cranky and tired people are running about, not quite able to function at their full capacity. It should all be back to normal in a few days, but until then, please spare a thought for the poor, caffeine deprived, headache addled Vancouverites. Be patient with them.

Red Green In The House!

Wow, you really can make a wallet out of duct tape.

Dub Selector

While we're on the dub trip (see below) here is my new favourite website. It's the Dub Selector. You can choose your own rhythm tracks, add your own effects, and watch hours slip away as you find your inner King Tubby, Lee Perry or Mad Professor. Now if only there were a way to record it.

Scratch

I went to see Lee "Scratch" Perry on Sunday night at Richards on Richards. The opening band, Dub Is A Weapon, who also were the backing band for Scratch, were excellent. I wasn't really sure how dub music, which relies heavily on studio effects would translate to a live show, but it worked well. After the opening set and a short break, the band came out again, started playing and then out came Scratch, wearing a crazy metal plated hat, carrying a sceptre with a plastic skull and tinsel on it, covered in rings and necklaces and bracelets, and with a shoulder bag that looked like a ghetto blaster. Oh yeah, if you don't know already, Lee Perry is bonkers. We're talking about a man who burnt down his own recording studio, the legendary Black Ark, because he thought it was jinxed. For the next hour and half or so, Scratch performed. I'm not certain, but it seems to me that he made up the entire show as he went along, often talking gibberish, other times less so, on subjects such as voodoo, bodily functions, politics etc. I even think he was making up the lyrics as he went along, which somehow makes his shows special as each concert is a one off experience. Scratch is now 70, so obviously not at the top of his game anymore, but seeing him perform live was still a treat. It was a pleasure to just stand and watch a man who has been such an originator and innovator with reggae and dub, music that has been so important to me.

Cowards!

Stephen Colbert calls the 2006 mid-term elections.

Movember 2-Claudio Grows a Moustache

I don't know if it had anything to do with me writing about Movember, but Claudio Lopez, in spite of being follicly challenged in the facial hair department, has taken up the gauntlet and is growing a moustache to raise money for prostate and testicular cancer research at Princess Margaret Hospital throughout November. So if you see him this month with a caterpillar on his upper lip, slip him a twenty. Now, I have no idea what a moustache on Claudio will look like, what type of moustache he intends to grow, nor what type of moustache he is even capable of growing. But I'm hoping it ends up looking a little something like this:


Good work, muchacho!

Rain Rain Go Away 2-The Update

Apparently what is up with this rain is a weather system called the Pineapple Express. And while the name makes me think that I should be enjoying tropical fruity beverages in the sun, what it actually means is torrential downpours and flood warnings in the Lower Mainland. I feel ripped off.

Rain Rain Go Away!

What is up with this rain? This is not Vancouver rain. I suppose technically it is Vancouver rain, as it is in fact raining and this is in fact Vancouver, but to me Vancouver rain is light, misty and drizzly and lasts for days on end. But this? This is hard driving, windshield wipers on high, umbrella wrecking, slanted sideways pouring rain that lasts for days on end. Hmm. Rain often reminds me of one of my favourite Deep Thoughts. It goes something like this: If a child asks you why it's raining, it's fun to say, "Because god is crying." And if the child asks, "Why is god crying?" it's good to answer, "Because of something you did." But anyway, back to this new variant of Vancouver rain...I don't like it. It makes me want to not leave the house. It makes me want to sit on a couch, eat chili, and watch football all day long. Which is pretty much what I did today. When will it end? Paul says May, I say April, Donna says we're being pessimistic. But she's wrong, as it could end in June. Or never.

Movember

May used to be my favourite month because I got to celebrate Moustache May. But now November is my favourite month. Because it's Movember and it starts tomorrow. That means if I choose to, I can grow a moustache to raise awareness and money for men's health issues such as prostate and testicular cancers and male depression. And Donna, you can't say anything about it because it's for a good cause. So let the growing begin. Now, which moustache shall I grow?

A Visit From Jack Frost

Somehow it seems wrong that I've had to scrape the windows of my car for the past two mornings. Wrong because it's Vancouver and it's not even November yet. But I don't mind too much. I like the cold. Bring it on I say.

Monkeys

"We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true."

~Robert Wilensky

In Exile

A U.S. highschool teacher was convicted for having sex with a fifteen year old student. For his sentence he was given a choice between a year in prison or a three year exile to Canada. He lives in Fort Erie, Ontario with his wife and children. So while there may be some reasoning behind it, the legality of it remains to be seen, particularly whether or not Immigration Canada will go along with it. That will depend on his residency status, among other things. My questions are not about the legality or morality or what-have-you about it. My questions are these: Exile to Canada? WHAT? Are we the new fricken Siberia? Will he be living on watered down Borscht and stale rye bread while doing forced labour in crappy boots for the next three years? Okay then.

On Being A Grown Up.

A couple of months back, I wrote about my milestone of ordering decaffeinated coffee for the first time in my life. Since then I've had it a few more times, though maybe not as consistently as I ought to, because, let's face it, I prefer the real deal or at least the thought of the real deal. Anyhow, today I took that one step further. Today I bought whole bean decaffeinated coffee. That's right, I brought the stuff into my house. I ground it in my coffee maker. I brewed it in my espresso maker. I'm drinking it right now. It's okay, though not as good as the usual espresso I like to have in the evening. A number of things have brought this on. A few recent nights of being awake until after 3h00. (Though only one of those can be blamed on coffee. (You're right Donna, it was crazy of me to have that Americano at the movie on Tuesday.)) As well, the onset of the rains (yes, they're coming) and the dark nights means more evenings at home. And if I'm sitting at home of an evening, I really like to drink coffee. I guess I'm now at an age where I can't drink real coffee too late and expect to sleep well. And though I'd actually rather be awake well into the night, I have this job that I have to go to in the mornings. So for now, decaffeinated coffee it is. Sometimes.

Ouch #2

I don't really watch the UFC, not having much interest nor a television. But a friend told me of a fight he had seen recently, that made me want to see it. I didn't want to see it for the fight specifically, but rather for what the loser, Ed "Shortfuse" Herman, said after the fight. He had been expected to win, but the underdog, Jason "The Athlete" MacDonald, got him into a leg-lock-triangle-hold-thing, so he tapped out. Clearly disappointed with himself for his performance, he had this to say about it:

"I should have went to sleep like a man, but I tapped out like a little bitch."

Here is the video should you wish to see it. The interviews are at the end.

Ouch!

A school in Massachusetts has banned the playing of tag, touch football and any unsupervised chasing games, according to a CBC report. They have done this for fear of a child getting hurt and the school being held liable. Now, I can understand this somewhat, as we live in a ridiculously litigious society. What I don't understand is this: a culture that wants it's children to grow up in a bubble. By not allowing children to participate in activities where they could possibly hurt themselves takes away from them the possibility of learning valuable lessons, such as, if you're not careful, you could get hurt. This may seem like a bit of a contradiction, allowing people to get hurt to learn that they could potentially get hurt, but come on, it's tag. How seriously can someone get hurt playing tag? I haven't been around a schoolyard for many years now, so I'm not up on the latest manifestations of the game, but I'm guessing it's a lot like it was when I was a kid. Unless the kids are playing tag with guns these days, then forget everything I'm saying.

I realise this is only a handful of schools with such bans, but to me it is just one example from a larger problem. Another example: The amount of kid-proofing that goes into houses with small children seems to me ridiculous. I understand parents want their children to be safe but removing any possibility for even the smallest of injuries assumes that children do not have the capacity to learn from their surroundings and experiences, which is, by the way, a valuable skill to learn. A case in point: those little plastic electrical outlet covers. My house never had those. I once jammed a pipe cleaner into an outlet. I never did it again.

If children aren't allowed to experience any danger, how can they be expected to understand and deal with potentially dangerous situations. How can they be expected to be responsible if they don't learn to be responsible for themselves? How can they be expected to face adversity, and you can be damn sure they're going to have to, if they have never had to before? How can they be expected to learn from their mistakes, if they aren't allowed to make any? It is when they are children that you want them to learn these things, when the situations they are in that they will learn from are relatively minor with the consequences not so great. Otherwise you end up with a culture of people afraid to take risks, unwilling to take responsibility for themselves, and ill-equipped or unable to deal with the crap that life is going to throw at them.

Song Of The Day

There are many times when, for whatever reason, a certain song somehow encapsulates my mood perfectly. It could be the lyrics or the music, or both, or the song could evoke an emotion or a time and place I want to get lost in, or the mood of the song echoes my own, or the mood of the song is the mood I want, or, you get the idea. When that happens I have an uncanny ability to listen to a song over and over and over. And over. And over. Recently, on such a day, I listened to the same song 5 times in a row on my drive to work. If I worked twice as far from home, I'd have listened to that same song (Belle & Sebastian's Another Sunny Day, if you're wondering) 10 times in a row. And then I listened to it more at work. And then on the drive home again. I know it could drive some people crazy, hearing the same song repeated again and again. But for me, listening to that song is a little reverie scattered throughout my day. These are some of the songs that have caught me in that way recently:

Pink Bullets-The Shins
New Slang-The Shins
Atlantic City-Bruce Springsteen
Youngstown-Bruce Springsteen
Tijuana Lady-Gomez
Help Me Make It Through The Night-Johnny Cash & June Carter Cash
Crazy-Gnarls Barkley
Meadowlake Street-Ryan Adams
I'm Waiting-Ryan Adams
Cocody Rock-Alpha Blondy
Yolanda-Pablo Milanes
Scholarship Is The Enemy Of Romance-Billy Bragg
Chances Are-Bob Marley
Paradiso-The Chameleons
The Prisoner-The Clash
Lodi-CCR

And most recently:
I Wish I Never Saw The Sunshine-Beth Orton

Dessert!

Introducing the little bit of heaven that is the lava cake. At first it doesn't look like much more than a simple little chocolate cake. But wait, oh just wait, until you take a spoon or fork to it.

Yes, that is warm chocolate oozing out. Simply divine. Thanks for the recipe, Mom.

Blocked!

If I write about not having anything to write about, does that then mean I am lying?

Little Superstar!

It's a dancing, smoking Indian midget. Wicked.

Champions!

The Vancouver Whitecaps are the 2006 USL Champions. Well played, muchachos!

Opsal Steel

Another sunny day. Another trip to photograph a rundown building in Southeast False Creek. And a remarkably similar shade of paint. Hmm. Must have been on sale. Here are the photos.

Little People!

I love this. Basically, the guy takes little people figures, paints them, puts them in various public places, photographs them, then posts the photos to his blog. As the description on his blog says: "Little hand-painted people, left in London to fend for themselves." It's a tiny street art project. I like that you get the close-up photo, but then the wide photo showing how tiny they actually are. As well, the site serves as a warning of what will happen when the giant flies come.

Arrggghhhh!

Ahoy mateys! Today be International Talk Like A Pirate Day. Avast me hearties!

Dancer In The Dark

I watched Dancer In The Dark again last night. I hadn't seen it since it's theatrical release. It reminded me of why I think Lars von Trier is one of the most challenging, important and all around best film directors working today. In Dancer In The Dark, he takes any sense of innocence, naivete and nostalgia associated with the traditional Hollywood musical, smashes it into a thousand little shards, then drags our faces through the shards. It hurts, but we needed it. If art is part of a dialogue, and I'd like to think that it can be, then Dancer In The Dark is the final word about musicals. They're done.

As an aside, I love the following review from the film's official website's front page: "A 2 1/2 hour demo of auteurist self-importance that's artistically bankrupt on almost every level." Good stuff.

Thumbs!

Today I overheard a guy on Commercial Drive saying: "I lost a piece of my thumb downtown. I can't believe my thumb is still downtown. My thumb is still downtown." Not surprisingly, he wasn't actually talking to another person. So, if anyone finds part of a thumb downtown, there's a guy on the Drive looking for it.

And speaking of thumbs, a friend of mine recently had surgery to fix the tendons in his thumb. With the broken tendons his thumb was permanently bent and he had no control over it. They fixed it by taking the tendons from his forefinger and attaching them to the thumb. So now to move his thumb he has to concentrate on moving his forefinger. Seriously.

Rubberneckers!

Apparently I'm the type of guy who would walk a few blocks out of his way to watch a building burn down.

Southeast False Creek

Vancouver's Southeast False Creek area has lots of visually interesting, somewhat dilapidated industrial buildings. The area is set to be developed for the 2010 Olympic Village, then turned into Condoland, so I imagine many of these structures will be torn down or renovated. With that in mind, yesterday I went down to the area to photograph a building that often catches my eye as I cycle past it. You can see some of the photos here.

Nighty Night!

I know it isn't nice to mock people for their religious beliefs, and who knows what will rain down upon me for doing so, but some times it is just too hard to not.

Introducing Armour of God Pyjamas.

I've got a few friends with birthdays coming up.

Terrorized?

I've had enough of the War on Terror. When does the War on Stupidity begin? Recently, the BBC reports, a man of Iraqi descent was not allowed to board a plane in New York, until he removed his T-shirt. The problem with the shirt? It had Arabic script on it. It also had written in English, "We will not be silent," which is what the Arabic text said as well. Apparently other passengers had complained about it and officials asked him to remove it. They did, at least, buy him another shirt to wear. Now here's my thinking. If he was in fact a terrorist, how would having him remove his shirt foil the plot, if you're going to let him on the plane once he had done so? And if he was not a terrorist, why would it matter what he had on his shirt? I don't mean to say that security officials should not be vigilant, but surely there is a way to do so without being irrational, over-reactive or outright xenophobic. I don't want to over simplify the issue, but there is one obvious, common element to all terrorism. It sets out to terrorize the targeted population, to make those people live in fear. If, as George W. recently pointed out, we are "at war with Islamic fascists who will use any means to destroy those of us who love freedom," and we are frightened into curtailing that freedom in response, who do you think is winning? If people are afraid to go about their lives as usual, who do you think is winning? If people are afraid of a person of Arabic descent wearing a T-Shirt with Arabic script, who do you think is winning?

Now Or In A While?

Apparently my usage of the word presently in my previous post has caused some concern. Granted, it was a small amount of concern, voiced by one, but concern nonetheless. When I look up presently in my Oxford Dictionary Of Current English the first definition it gives is: soon; after a short time. The second definition is: esp. US & Scot. at the present time; now. Thinking I should give our American friends a chance to state their own case, I looked the word up in Encarta. Their first definition is: soon, not at this exact moment but in a short while. Followed by: at present time, now, or during the current period, especially if not at some other time. This second definition is followed by the tag: some people object to this usage. Well, here is me saying that I am one of those people. But honestly, that is based on little more than the fact that I am an erudite grammar snob. Wanting to dig a little deeper, I looked up the word in my Oxford Concise Dictionary Of English Etymology. Their first definition is a now obsolete one: so as to be present. The second, dating back to the 15th century is: now, followed by their third definition, from the 16th century: soon. That means that back in 1537 there may have been a young scholarly gent deriding this modern usage of presently to mean soon, when clearly to him it should be used as now. Prejudices aside, there are two ways to look at this. The right way, of course, is that language is fluid and ever changing, which is what makes it an interesting, exciting thing. The other view, which is not wrong, is that there are rules to the language which make it useful as a system of communication and that system functions best when those rules are followed. So, the linguist in me accepts that language always has and always will change, and that grammar is a way to codify that language at any given time, but, damn it all, the staunch grammarian in me doesn't have to like it.

A Wee Break...

Sorry for the inconvenience. Normal service will resume presently...

Big Papi (or How I Joined The Red Sox Nation!)

Last week, my good friend Rob from Boston was in town. (Not that one, but if you must, North Attleborough Rob would be more appropriate.) As I assume all Bostonians are, Rob is a very serious Red Sox fan. So a certain amount of Rob's visit was spent watching the Red Sox on-line, following the games, looking up the scores, etc. And talking about their feared line-up. The most feared batters in baseball, Rob would say, talking about the one-two punch of David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez. Now, I've got to say, I'm not much of a baseball fan. I'll watch a couple games a year, with someone who likes it a whole lot more than I do, and if the World Series is interesting, maybe I'll tune in. But I do like sports, and so it is easy for me to get into any sport with someone who is excited about it. So with Rob's interest in the Sox, my interest went up. Anyway, it's Rob's last day in town, we're drinking a couple of Krusovices, watching the Red Sox game and making pizza. It's the 8th inning, Boston is up 4-3 against KC and Mark Loretta's at bat. Rob says, "You know who's up next?" To which I say (guess) "Papi!" "That's right," Rob says, "You're in the Sox Nation now." All for knowing that Big Papi's 3rd in the order. We sealed the deal with a high five and a swig of beer. And that's that. Go Sox!

New Camera On The Block

Sorry Sparky, but there's a new best camera ever. It's called the SD600. And it's coming soon to a Whitecaps game near you. I didn't set out to upgrade, but somehow that is exactly what happened. And I've got to say, I'm glad I did. Everybody sing it...SD600!

But What Type Of Hat Is It?

Reading Flaubert's Madame Bovary, I came across this description of a hat:

"His was one of those composite pieces of headgear in which you may trace features of bearskin, lancer-cap and bowler, night-cap and otterskin: one of those pathetic objects that are deeply expressive in their dumb ugliness, like an idiot's face. An oval splayed out with whale-bone, it started off with three pompons; these were followed by lozenges of velvet and rabbit's fur alternately, separated by a red band, and after that came a kind of bag ending in a polygon of cardboard with intricate braiding on it; and from this there hung down like a tassel, at the end of a long, too slender cord, a little sheaf of gold threads. It was a new cap, with a shiny peak."

And yet, for all of that descriptive language, I have absolutely no idea what this hat looks like. Perhaps something has been lost in translation, but how is it possible that I can read an entire paragraph in my mother tongue, understand all of the words, clauses, sentences, etc., and still not actually understand it. Have men's hat fashions become so mundane that I am just not able to imagine a hat so outlandish? Can anyone out there envision this hat? Can anyone make a drawing of this hat? Better yet, can anyone out there actually make me such a hat? Is there a milliner in the house? If I had such a hat, I would most certainly wear it. At least once.

In The News...

Sometimes newspaper headlines are just too damn strange.

Norway Fears Giant Crab Invasion

Too bad the rest of the article can't deliver. Norway is not actually about to be invaded by giant crabs.

Too bad. That would have been news.

Show Off

An absolutely inane conversation I was part of yesterday:

I'm walking towards my desk at work. J-Mac, who was napping on the couch wakes up and asks, "Was I snoring?" Bones says, "No." J-Mac then says, "Sleep apnea," though he has trouble with the apnea part. Bones says, "That's not as bad as Corey, he sleep walks." At this point, I, who am eating a chocolate chip cookie, say, "He's a somnambulist." "What?," Bones asks. I try and chew more rapidly. "He's a somnambulist," I repeat. Bones nods, as if he understands, but then says something about an ambulance. Because apparently when you're talking with your mouth full of cookie, somnambulist comes out sounding like that. The cookie now down my gullet, I say yet again, "He's a somnambulist." A quizzical look tells me I have to explain the word, but really, the moment is lost...

Mom, you were right. I shouldn't talk with my mouth full.

Note to self:
When you are trying to show off your superior lexicon, make sure you are not chewing a very crumbly and somewhat dry chocolate chip cookie at the same time. You just end up sounding stupid.

Milestones

I feel like I've entered a new stage in my aging process. I passed two milestones in my life this weekend. The first one was getting a pair of scissors...a tiny pair of scissors. We're all friends here so we can talk about body hair, can't we? The purpose of the scissors? Trimming too long nostril hairs. Now, having hair growing from one's nostrils is certainly not a new phenomenon for me and I assume for most men. And I've been trimming or yanking them out for a few years now, so that isn't the milestone either. Up till now I have used too big scissors, or nail clippers or any other implement I thought might get the job done. But now, I am the owner of a small pair of scissors whose sole purpose for me is to trim my nose hairs. Does that make me an old man now?

The next milestone has to do with my not very good sleeping abilities and a certain beverage of which I like to drink way too much. Coffee. For the very first time in my life, this evening I ordered a decaffeinated Americano. I've drank de-caf before but in those instances it was either forced on me, given to me unawares, or there was no regular good old caffeinated coffee to be had. Tonight I actually ordered and paid for a decaffeinated coffee of my own accord. Apparently my sleep is now more important to me than my coffee. That may take a little while to sink in. For the record, it tasted alright and no one seemed to notice. As I was up way too late last night and am tired, I don't know that this is a good night to judge whether or not the lack of caffeine affected my sleep at all. That said, I'm off to bed.

Gone Fishing.

Okay, not really. But I am heading back to the homeland for a week and a half. I am on hiatus after all. I intend to visit some good friends in Toronto, then visit my family and go to the cottage. Once there, I intend to read a lot, paddle the canoe around the bay, swim out to the big rock, take naps in the hammock, windsurf, eat good food, but most importantly, I plan to relax on this here deck with a boozy drink in my hand and tasty appetizers before me.

If you need to get a hold of me, you can try. There's a computer nearby, though I probably won't be checking my e-mail. And I sure as hell won't be bringing my cell phone. On second thought, don't even bother.

The Boss

I didn't realise it until very recently, but apparently I am a Bruce Springsteen fan. Nebraska just may be one of the best albums ever. Ever.

That Is A Comedy Too Much Pleasant

I recently acquired a book called "English As She Is Spoke." It has the wonderful subtitle of: Being a comprehensive phrasebook of the English language, written by men to whom English was entirely unknown. And that pretty much sums it up. It was intended to be an English phrasebook for Portuguese travelers. The work is credited to José de Fonseca and Pedro Carolino, though it seems Mr. de Fonseca has been dragged through the mud quite unwillingly and innocently. In 1837 José de Fonseca wrote an apparently perfectly competent French-Portuguese phrasebook. I say apparently as neither my French nor Portuguese is anywhere near competent, nor do I have the book. It was in 1855 that Pedro Carolino set out to write "The New Guide of the Conversation in Portuguese and English, in Two Parts." His problem...he didn't speak English. He did however have two very useful books; an English to French dictionary and... Mr. de Fonseca's phrasebook. Problem solved. The result is, well, the title of this entry for starters. And so many other linguistic gems, at times bordering on the poetic...

Let us go to respire the air.
At what o'clock is to get up?
Apply you at the studying during that you are young.
It is a noise which to cleave the head.
Give me some good milk newly get out.
It is not that very true.
He laughs at my nose, he jest by me.
It must never to laugh of the unhappies.

If that last one isn't a line to live by, I don't know what is. The book ends with a section called Idiotisms and Proverbs. This is where the real pearls of wisdom lie...

Four eyes does see better than two.
What come in to me for an ear yet out for another.
A horse baared don't look him the tooth.
That which feel one's snotly blow blow one's nose.
It must to break the stone for to have almond.
So many head so much opinions.

I could go on and on, quoting the entire book. But I won't. Having take my leave, I was going.

Le Coup De Tête

Watching the World Cup Final on Sunday, I, along with the other billion people that were tuned in, was stunned when Zinedine Zidane turned around and firmly planted his head into the chest of Marco Materazzi, who then dropped like a sack of hammers. I couldn't believe what I had just seen. Had Zidane actually done what I had just seen him do in that slow motion replay? In the World Cup Final? In the final game of his career? Not surprisingly he was red carded and Italy went on to win the final on penalties. Talk of whether or not his sending off influenced the outcome of the game is largely irrelevant as no one can ever know. Which then leaves the question, why did he do it? What put Zidane over the edge? My initial reaction was that Materazzi, no stranger to controversy, had made some sort of racist slur, and there has been much speculation along these and other lines, but despite the various attempts of lip-readers to determine what was said we may never know.
Immediately following Zidane's long walk past the trophy and down the tunnel, there was talk of how Zidane had disgraced himself, shamed himself, destroyed his legacy and so on. I don't condone the violent act, but I'm not sure why people were so surprised by this behaviour coming from a man who was sent off 14 times in his career. Perhaps the setting and occasion did call for a little more decorum which made it that much more dramatic, but for all the footballing mastery and creativity that Zidane has, that darker side has always been a part of his game. He is one of only two players to have been red-carded in two World Cups. Hell, this wasn't even his first headbutt. Which brings us to the talk of destroying his legacy. Except perhaps for a sanctimonious few, this will only add to it. Zidane, one of the greatest footballers to ever play the game, is and will remain a symbol of possibility to millions of people around the world. For a poor kid growing up playing football in the streets of a rough area of Marseille to rise to this level of stardom and adoration, then bow out like this...it's the ultimate "fuck you" from one of the greats. It adds to the mystique of Zidane. People like their heroes to be flawed. To the question of Zidane being a role-model, I would argue that we want our sporting heroes to be competitive and aggressive, yet are then surprised when they act like that outside of a narrowly defined acceptable avenue.
I don't mean to suggest that Zidane planned it like this; I'm pretty sure he would rather his game not have ended in a sending off, but it did. And to me, who absolutely did not want Italy to win the World Cup, this is where it becomes a master stroke...Here it is three days after the Italians won their 4th World Cup, yet outside of the Italian fans and press, almost nobody is talking about them winning. They are talking about Zidane. Legacy assured.

Goalfest At Swangard (or Everybody Loves A Drubbing)

As much as I've been enjoying the World Cup (at least until Tuesday's setback that is), I've got to say that since the knockout stages began there has been a real dearth of goals. I understand that with the stakes being so high, modern football tactics being what they are etc., it's bound to be like that. Seeing two well organized tactical teams play can be fascinating, even exciting , but honestly, it's goals that we want and it's goals that we remember. And though a high scoring closely fought match will be the better game, there is something very satisfying about a good old fashioned ass-whooping. And that is exactly what the Whitecaps Women did last night. When they scored after two minutes I thought, "Well done." When they scored again after four minutes I thought, "It's going to be a long night for the Real Colorado Cougars." (I didn't think the team looked that old.) When they scored yet again after six minutes I thought, "If they can keep scoring at this rate, by the end of the game it will be 45-0." But sadly, they couldn't. They didn't score their fourth goal until the 12th minute and they waited until the 21st minute for their 5th goal. Then they really put the brakes on, and honestly, the game became pretty damn boring. What kind of football fan complains about a boring match when his team is up 5 goals? Happily in the 82nd minute the Whitecaps came to life again, and quickly scored three more before the end of the game. Final score: Whitecaps Women 8, Real Colorado Cougars 0 and a long bus ride home. Apparently, they came all this way just to lose, just to lose...

Back In The Oven

Those of you who remember the tragedy I suffered recently should be happy to know that I am to be numbered once again among those who have pizza stones in one solid piece. Thanks to Ming Wo for exchanging their faulty goods and thanks to Donna for arranging and performing the exchange. And thanks to whoever it was that invented pizza. Unless that person was an Italian, then I'm not sure I can be too thankful towards you yet, as I'm still not quite over Germany being knocked out of the World Cup by the Italians. Perhaps eating pizza is my first step towards healing. Anyway, I made my first pizza with new stone today. The toppings: zucchini, tofu, tomatoes, tomato sauce, garlic stuffed green olives, and mozzarella and cheddar cheeses.A tasty success and as you can see, the stone remains whole.